Rob is talking

New job and some new times

Wed, 09 Apr 2003 04:57:28 GMT

I am woeking at the flying Dogs Cafe. It is dope. I get paid a lot and it is very cool to work for a married couple with kids. It is a sight I am not use to. It is a cool look at how other parents handle their work, kids, so on. I am all right, but I am not a hundred percent. It looks like I will be going to college in the fall. Will I have a car, a home, a Girl? These things are in the cards, but I can't read them ahead of time. That would be cheating.

It was a crazy day.

Wed, 05 Mar 2003 07:46:01 GMT

Well, the stuff that happened today was crazy. It just goes to show I am fucked-up. well you heard it first. Robert is Fucked up. Wild shit! To put it musical, "I am half the man I used to be." If you get the reference, good for you. If not, listen to more music! I am the picture of remorse.

not-quite the end.

good night.

Hey

Sun, 23 Feb 2003 04:34:31 GMT

I am still alive. Holy hell!

The next one.

Thu, 02 Jan 2003 09:14:58 GMT

Happy New Year! I hope that your every dream and wish comes true.

mellow

Mon, 18 Nov 2002 05:10:31 GMT

Once more I am mellow. It is nice for a change. I don't really like to fight and I like to be happy. I might be going to Portland tomarrow, but I am not sure. So if I am up there I will hunt down friends and waste there time. Sounds fun to me. Time to go work-out. Have a nice night.

Again........... come on already!

Fri, 15 Nov 2002 07:58:52 GMT

Well, it must be nice to have two men. I guess I would like to have two partners. So, you go there every time we fight. I don't mind. It is your face that suffers. I hope your date went well. Night.

Mellow.

Mon, 11 Nov 2002 08:13:26 GMT

I had a good day with Krista.

It sucked.

Sun, 10 Nov 2002 06:18:05 GMT

I bared my soul to Krista and she told me that loving me sucked! I know better! I may not have been perfect, but I was dam good at times. If only she would let me she would see that I was always going to be good.

Fri, 08 Nov 2002 23:56:30 GMT

So last night I prayed. I hope God has not forgotten what I sound like. I am so scared for her because I love her so much. We share a soul. She wants her part back, but I know once she is gone I will be incomplet. I want to grab her and shake her and bring her back to me. I want to cuddle and protect her. I need to feel love from her. I want to grab her and shake her and bring her back to me. There is no reason for this. We should be getting along. I want to wrap he in a blanket of my love. I would be so good for her. She says that she doesn't want to fight. I agree. If she came back we wouldn't fight for a long time. I know that I would be the best thing she has ever had. God this is so hard. There is so little I can do, so I guess I will just wait around and see what God thinks of my prayer.
untell then. Robert.

never again

Fri, 08 Nov 2002 09:40:00 GMT

It was a good run, but it is over now. She is embarrassed of me. I wish all this hadn't happened. I will not find another woman like her. I am done with love for now. It will not be what is was with her.

all for now-robert

Sun, 03 Nov 2002 05:57:00 GMT

So I sat on the bus. The first lie I would tell. I didn't know I was going to hell. I just had to. I wanted to commonicate. I never learned how tell people what I want or what I appretiate. I really never learned to spell that great, or well, oh well. So I would turn in papers three days late, didn't have a computer so I couldn't really check it. My my work was all crap. My teachers should chuck it. So I'd get an F or maybe a D. My father kept asking what was wrong with me. "I don't know", I'd reply. And what would he say? "Son", he would ask, "Are you growing up gay." "Not that there is anything wrong with that", he would say to the side. My brother watched as he slapped his thigh out of laughter thinking of me chugging cock in the bathroom. So I moved out with this girl who was also fucked up. She filled in for my mother who packed up a truck not that long ago. On the go. She took off. So would I. Where would I land. Eugene caught my eye. And she treated me well, said, "I'll be here till you die." But I pushed her away and she went out at night. Our schedules never really fit together right. So I would be home alone wondering who she is with and were is she going. What have you done. Which one was moaning. I don't care if you just kissed. It still is right. Now I have to lay awake every night. I don't want to fight. I just want to be loved that still wasn't right. I love you. I hate you. So you choose. So do I. I don't have time to cry. I am running out of money my good looks can buy. So I find I girl who fits me quiet well. Remember at this point I am still going to hell. She is an angel. Do you want to cuddle. We meet and she takes care of me. I'm in trouble. But not with her. Not with her thighs wrapped around me. All I can see is love. It is like bathing in a tub of warm water when every part gets hotter and hotter. But what if I can't love her. A call from my father. I owe so much money. I am scared and confused so I push away what is stable and good in my life. I hope that some day you'll be my wife. But that is confusing. Now we call if off. I don't want to stop. I miss you all day and am sick every night. Are you sure were doing what you want? What is right? Move out. A clean slate. Forget my own name. "I like Robi better". Its all the same. I don't know what I want. What holds the most lure? All I know for sure; This story just started. I look forward to more.

So here goes!!!

Sat, 02 Nov 2002 03:43:44 GMT

I am in it now 100%. I am sure this is what I want. I am not making a mistake nor will I regret it. I will do what it takes. You said to me that you wished you could tell me what to do and how to act. I am waiting for you to tell me. I will be attentive and pursue you with a committed casualness that can't go wrong. I am waiting for you.

tonight

Tue, 29 Oct 2002 19:19:52 GMT

So I am going to see dashboard tonight. It should be cool. I hope I have a sweater to wear. I wouldn't want to be out of place.

I just can't get it out of my head.

Tue, 15 Oct 2002 21:23:22 GMT

I know that Krista is not the same person that she once was. But I feel that as long as we are not totally together she will be with other people. She has done it before. And, as much as I want to trust her, it is very difficult. She was so happy this morning. She put on a little black thong. Then when she grabed the bra she wanted to wear after dance she first grabed the old black one, but then she put that back for her sexy black one. She saw Brian for lunch today. I just can't be sure that the underwear thing was a cowinsadince. all for now!

sorry

Thu, 10 Oct 2002 07:22:35 GMT

I am sorry i yelled at you. I am still having a hard time with this. Sorry.

us

Mon, 30 Sep 2002 06:00:38 GMT

Two chairs away for two terms, but there has been nothing between us. I only look at you once, but see it in your face. Could there be nothing between us?

We meet. I smile, you laugh every once in a while. Do you want to cuddle. We squeeze so hard. Now there is nothing between us.

Days pass; time moves. Old feelings fade. You tell me in the long run there will be nothing between us. We hold each other. Feelings fade and return again. I see you leave.

I am confused and alone, but comforted by the fact that either way, weather you leave me or stay, there will always be nothing between us.

pretty

Thu, 26 Sep 2002 04:47:38 GMT

well I have blue hair now, but what is so new about that. We are all blue underneath, right? anyway there is always change and change is good right? Well, who knows. I don't have anything pretty to say today.

"Special".

Mon, 16 Sep 2002 02:10:46 GMT

I thought that I was special, but now without my stereo types, the things that have no meaning anyhow , just shit to suprise you. Can I make it thru.

What if I was special....... special without you. You know I'm never special, with all the things I do.

You were up on stages wrapped in all your freinds, That was what I needed, what my mind pretends. See you say your lines now, dance around all night I wish that I was special, I don't want to fight.

Please tell me that I'm special.........special without you if you tell me that I'm special there is nothing I wouln't do.

I'll never be that special..............................................
I need love from you.

Talking to the woman at 1

Sat, 14 Sep 2002 08:26:32 GMT

She is drunk and in Berkley. She is so far away. She says we should get high together. I love her. She is the nerd of the party. I love that. I love her. She can be my nerd any day of the week. The funny thing is she is one of the coolest people I know. I love her sssoooooooo much that I feel sorry for people that aren't in love with her. You have no idea what you are missing.

Sun, 08 Sep 2002 01:46:54 GMT

things are going well. I have been working and living. That is about it for right now. I will get back to you later. In the mean time, just relax, everything is just fine. That is life

wow

Sun, 01 Sep 2002 03:07:05 GMT

Krista, got her hair cut and dyed, and it is the hottest thing in the world. I took her to bed so quick. It was great. She is so much better in bed when she has short hair. Why is that? Anyway......... DAM!

It has been a while

Tue, 27 Aug 2002 21:34:20 GMT

It has been some time. Quick, jump back in it now. Jump. Now! Move or else. Or else you die slowly over the course of months and years. Do you want to die first or do you want to jump back. jump back. move.
So go do it. what are you waiting for. No one will be home for hours so go and start it off. You can do it, at least this once. That is what it is there for. That is why you have it. You got it from your father, so you have to use it. SO, jump back in it.

SSSSSSSSSOooooooooooooOOOOOOO

Sun, 25 Aug 2002 04:45:24 GMT

fucking bored. This is the worst case in a while
I am in the house by myself and the only person I can think to call would only getme in trouble. so i probly shouldn't do that. When I get bored I do the worst things. I don't want you to know what they are. If no one knows, then it is like it didn't happen, right?

Sat, 24 Aug 2002 09:11:31 GMT

theropy or not? I have more than just issues, I have whole fucking subscriptions! I am getting more and more fucked up daily. I don't know what is wroung with me. Why can't I see Krista's problems as real problems. She tells me I just see her problems as problems for me. In a way that is true. Her attachment problem is my problem too. I am not allowed to have a real life, and if I ask or even think about some time to myself she makes me feel guilty about it. It is sssoooooooooo fucked. I really tried to opean up to her tonight. I told her what I was feeling and what I was affraid of, and all it did was make her cry and freak out. It was the stupidest thing I have ever done. I want to eat the world. GGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

Thu, 22 Aug 2002 03:17:37 GMT

I talked with Michael for about an hour today. Michael is my new friend at work. He is really nice and has a lot of the same problems that I have. I got invited to his house on Thursday. We talked about how I seem to have a problem with anger and how I feel like I can't express myself correctly in that way(I handle anger poorly). I have been having this vision of breaking glass. Smashing a glass jar out on the street. I can see it perfectly. I know how it should look and feel. What I should be when I break the glass. But, the weird part is that it seems more like a memory than a dream. It is like it is something that I have already done. Michael then asked if I feel like I can't express my anger. Anyway, it made me feel really good about telling my thoughts to someone. It is hard for me to do with other, including my girlfriend, and has caused some problems between us. I know her well enough to know that I should be able to tell her anything. Still, it is easier to tell a kind stranger than Krista. That doesn't seem right , but it is how things are. I guess I have always depended on the kindness of strangers. Then are the only people I really talk to freely. I wonder why that is? I might smash a jar tonight. I am not sure it will help, but who is it going to hurt.